WILD INSIDE · FREE SAMPLE · MODULE 1 THEORY GUIDE

Name it: the theory behind feelings words

1. What this module is about

Module 1 is about one skill: putting words to feelings. Before a child can calm a big feeling, solve a problem, or ask for help, they need to know what is happening inside them. That starts with noticing and naming.

2. Why naming feelings matters

Feelings are information. They tell us something matters, something is wrong, or something is exciting. A child with only a few feeling words ("good," "bad," "mad") has fewer ways to say what is going on, so feelings tend to come out as behavior instead: slamming, snapping, shutting down.

Psychology research on "affect labeling" suggests that putting a feeling into words can reduce how intense it feels for many people. It isn't magic, and it doesn't work every time. But naming a feeling gives the thinking part of the brain a chance to join in.

The big idea: All feelings are okay. Some actions are not. We name the feeling first, and then we talk about what to do.

3. Four key ideas

Feelings live in the body

Anger may feel like a hot face and tight fists. Worry may feel like a knot in the stomach. When kids can spot body clues, they notice feelings earlier, while they are still small.

Feelings have sizes

A feeling can be tiny, medium, or huge. Small feelings are easy to handle. Big ones need more support. Rating the size ("a 2 out of 5") helps kids and parents choose the right response.

Feelings can be mixed

Kids can feel nervous and excited at the same time. Letting both be true is a big relief for many children.

Feelings are not actions

"I'm angry" is a feeling. "I hit him" is an action. Separating the two lets us accept the feeling while still setting limits on behavior.

4. A feelings vocabulary for ages 8 to 12

Starting wordMore precise words to try
HappyContent, proud, excited, grateful, relieved, hopeful
SadDisappointed, lonely, hurt, left out, discouraged
MadFrustrated, annoyed, jealous, disrespected, resentful
ScaredNervous, worried, anxious, overwhelmed, unsure
OtherEmbarrassed, bored, tired, confused, guilty

Tip: don't push these words on your child. Use them yourself and offer two or three to choose from: "Was it more frustrated, or more disappointed?"

5. What to say, and what to avoid

Try
  • "I see you're feeling upset. I'm here."
  • "That sounds really frustrating."
  • "Where do you feel it in your body?"
  • "How big is it, from 1 to 5?"
Avoid
  • "Stop crying."
  • "You're fine."
  • "That's silly, nothing to be scared of."
  • "You shouldn't feel that way."

These phrases are usually meant kindly, but they can teach kids that their feelings are a problem to hide.

Want the rest? The full guide continues with a four-step conversation, common stumbling blocks, a week of activities, reflection questions, and when to seek more support. It is included with Wild Inside.